Get Back In The Car!

An elderly friend of mine was pulled over by the police on the expressway. Lydia was so upset that after pulling over she opened the door and started to get out. Taking care that she didn't get hit by a passing car the officer shouted,"Get back in the car!" Not exactly hearing what he said Lydia continued getting out of the car. Now the officer wasn't sure what to be expecting so he slowly walked up to the car. With her heart pounding Lydia rolled down the window. When the officer saw the panic look on her face he asked, "What's going on? Didn't you hear me?" Seeing the tall officer standing there Lydia was really upset and responded, "Yes officer I heard you. You told me to get in the back seat, so I did!"

Older Men and Younger Women

My girlfriend's elderly mother was sitting at the table reading the paper. For some reason a discussion about Tony Randall marrying a younger woman came up. My friend was floored when her mom pushed her glasses to the end of her nose and looking over them explained, "You know the older the buck the stiffer the horn."

Go Take A Nap

A few years ago my girlfriend Vicki's mom, who had a hearing problem, came to live with her. One day after they had eaten her mom got up and started clearing the table to do the dishes. Gary, Vicki's husband said, "Mom I'll take care of this crap." Vicki's mom spun around and in an irritated voice shouted, "Hey I'm tired of you telling me to take a nap. If you want to take a nap then you go and take one!"

Come on Momma

Sadey was quite a character. She was from the south and I never knew what she was going to say to make me smile. One day she came up behind me and said, "Come on Momma let's get together for a drink." She stopped and thought a minute then added, "But we can't make it on a Sunday."

Chicken Poem

The following little poem was something an 88 year old resident said almost every day. I thought it was funny so I wrote it down. "Lord have mercy on my soul. How many chickens have I stole? Two last night and two before and if I live tonight I'll steal two more."

It's About Time You Got Here

I had just come into work when Edna came hurrying up to me. In an exasperated tone she said, "It's about time you got here. Let me take your pulse and see if you're still living!" I wasn't quite sure what to say so I put my wrist out for her to check my pulse. I guess this took Edna by surprise because she calmed down then admitted, "Well, I'm not really a professional."

Why Are You Looking At Me?

While we were all sitting at the table waiting for lunch Ann looked over at Connie. When Connie noticed Ann was looking at her she said, "Why are you looking at me? I don't owe you any money do I?"