Just Vote For Me

by Kay Heitsch

As Julie* one of the staff at the Memory Care Center was helping Marion* she bumped her foot on the wheelchair. "Ouch! I hurt my food on your wheelchair, Marion." I heard Julie say. Marion was unsympathetic as she responded, "I don't care! Just VOTE for me!" I laughed, "Spoken like a true politician who doesn't care about your problem but ONLY wants your vote!

*Names changed

Look Out! Look Out!

by Kay Heitsch

We were all sitting in the dining room waiting for the meal at the Memory Care Center. All of a sudden Walter* pushed his chair back and started to get up. One of the staff walked over and tried to stop him from leaving before the meal was served. In his gruff manner Walter hollered, "Look out, look out!! I'm about to break air!" 

*Name changed

Priceless Memory

by Kay Heitsch

A few years ago when I was over at my in-laws I had to smile when I watched them send mail out. My mother-in-law would seal the envelope then hand it over to my father-in-law who was sitting on a stool at the counter. On the counter was a bottle of Elmer's glue and a box of several hundred USED but not cancelled stamps. 

When Grandpa was handed the envelope he'd count out the proper amount of stamps that were needed. Then he'd glue the stamp on anyway they happen to land. I noticed that many were upside down and sideways. I counted 5 stamps on one letter.

My mother-in-law had a letter she wanted to use a NEW stamp on. The LOOK on Grandpa's face was PRICELESS.

The post office was not going to get rich on Grandpa.

How Old?

by Kay Heitsch

I was standing in the family room when Junior*, the son of one of our residents at the Memory Care Center came in. He had a big smile on his face when he saw his mom. "Hi Mom, did you remember that today was my birthday?" Thelma* looked surprised and asked, "How old are you?" Junior hugged Thelma and admitted, "Mom today I am 70 years old!" With a look of shock on her face Thelma barked, "Junior, don't lie to this woman (me). You could not be 70 years old when I'm only 35!" 

*Names changed

You Be Her Today

 by Kay Heitsch

One day I came in the Memory Care Center and Joan called me, Mildred. Joan had a habit of calling me names of people from her past. I asked who Mildred was and Joan smiled, "Oh Mildred is my sister-in-law. I want you to be her today." In response I grinned and said, "Okay, well since I'm your sister-in-law, how's my brother doing?" Without blinking an eye Joan laughed, "Well, the last time I saw him he was doing fine!"

The following day Joan called me Maxine. I wanted to make sure she didn't really think I was Maxine so I asked, "Joan, who is Maxine?" Joan quickly answered, "Oh Maxine is my best friend." Trying to be sure Joan knew I wasn't really Maxine I said, "Joan you know I'm not Maxine, then." In a very matter a fact way Joan admitted, "Yes, I know you're not Maxine! Maxine is younger and prettier than you." Gee thanks!  

I'm Having a Bad Time

by Kay Heitsch

One day at the Memory Care Center our "constant complainer" was whining, "I'm having a bad time." Out of nowhere Mildred*, another resident, who was tired of hearing this complaining piped in, "No, you're not having a bad time. You're having a good time feeling sorry for yourself." 

*Name changed

"Activity"

by Kay Heitsch 

Once a week the residents at the Memory Care Center go on an outing. One week while we were out Melvin* walked up to a very pregnant young women. He gave her the once over then announced , "It's obvious to me that there's been some "ACTIVITY" going on." 

*Name changed

Help! Help!

Kay Heitsch

"Help, help, I need help!" Never knowing what to expect at the Memory Care Center I opened the door and peeked in. There Flo stood with her pants half way up. I walked in and helped her pull them up the rest of the way. As I turned to leave Flo whispered, "I hope I'm around if you ever find yourself with your pants down!" 

Do You Have A Boyfriend?

by Kay Heitsch

"Honey, do you have a boyfriend?" Gladys*, a tiny southern resident at the Memory Center asked me one day. I smiled, "No, Gladys I'm married." "Well, how long you been married?" Gladys questioned. When I answered, "Over 35 years." Gladys gasped, "Don't scare me like that! You couldn't have been over 5 years old to be married that long!"

*Name Changed

Did You See?

by Kay Heitsch

Early one morning Wilber*, one of the residents at the Memory Care Center opened the door to his room wearing ONLY an undershirt. When Myrtle* and Ethel* passed his room I heard Myrtle gasp, "Ethel, did you see his legs?" Ethel looked surprised, "You were looking at his legs?"

*Names changed

And Today's My...

by Kay Heitsch

I really got a kick out of Fran* at the Memory Care Center. Fran had her own special way of getting people to pay attention to her. If she asked for something and wasn't attended to right away she would add this announcement to her request, "And today's my birthday too!" 

*Name changed

Don't Ya Know

by Kay Heitsch

When our daughter, Shannon was about four years old my husband, Bill noticed her standing on a stool in the bathroom looking in the mirror. He was curious to see what she was up to. He watched as Shannon took my makeup out and started putting it on her face. When Bill questioned her about why she was doing this Shannon looked bewildered, "Don't ya know Dad, I'm just trying to be a woman!"

Look!

by Kay Heitsch

One day at the Memory Care Center I walked into the bathroom. Edith*, one of the residents walked in behind me. She looked at herself in the mirror and gasp, "Look, I got old!" 

Oh my, now several years later I can relate to her statement! 

*Name changed

Milk

by Kay Heitsch

When it was meal time at the Memory Care Center the staff would go around offering drinks to the residents who lived there. Everyone always had a choice of milk, juice, tea or coffee. Whenever the staff would ask Jenny if she would like, milk, juice, tea or coffee she would always yell, "I never drink milk! Do you know where that comes from? I lived on a farm!" 

Come On Let's Go

 by Kay Heitsch

I saw Albert's door open in the Memory Care Center. Al thought he was ready to start his day. However, he'd forgotten something. Al had on a T-shirt, knee socks with dress shoes, and a Depends over his boxer shorts. He looked at me and barked, "Come on lets go!" I grinned and joked, "Listen Albert, I have my standards in men. I can't go anywhere with a guy who isn't wearin' pants!"

Whatcha Eaten, Elmer?

by Kay Heitsch

Whatcha eaten, Elmer*? Elmer gave me his, I'm up to something grim, then laughed, "I assume it's candy." From out of no where I heard another Memory Care resident chime in, "Well, you better hope it's not Ex-Lax!" 

I Can See...

by Kay Heitsch

Edith*, one of the residents at the Memory Care Center had only been in the hospital a couple of days when I stopped in to visit her. Because she had short term memory loss I wasn't sure she would remember me. After giving her a hug I asked, "Edith, do you remember me?" Edith gave me the once over then replied, "Yes, and I can see you're still holding your looks too."

*Name changed

Still Breathing

 by Kay Heitsch

As I was walking down the hall at the Memory Care Center I noticed a resident had on a new sweatshirt. I smiled when I read what was printed on the front. "My Only Requirement For A Man Is That He Is Still Breathing." I couldn't resist joking with her and said, "If any 'GOOD LOOKING' men come by, let me know." Without hesitation she replied, "I didn't know you were that picky!"